Available As Is

Losing her husband was devastating. Dating at fifty was just undignified.

Debbie had been with George since she was eighteen. When he died of cancer after thirty-two years together, she had to reconcile with a husband who’d died in denial of his illness, leaving behind guilt, regret, and the question she could no longer avoid: Who are you when you’ve always been half of someone else?

Seeking the answer—and trying to outrun loneliness—Debbie found herself doing things she’d never imagined: writing an online dating profile, trying to play well with others, and discovering that many single middle-aged men were single for a reason. She began to feel like the kind of girl you’d mess around with in your Trans Am, but wouldn’t take to the prom. Dating wasn’t so much a search for love as a crash course in what midlife women would tolerate.

But she didn’t need to find another man. She needed to figure out who she was without one.

To do that, she’d need to start over, imagining a new future and letting go of the past. For a former insurance lawyer with anxiety, embracing the unknown did not come easily. But by beginning again, Debbie found something unexpected: hope. The life she had was gone, but she could build a better one worth looking forward to.

Equal part poignant and punchy, Available As Is is a raw, darkly, funny memoir about love, loss, and the messy business of creating a new life when you thought your best years were behind you.