Misanthrope's Guide to Life: (Go Away!)

Misanthrope, n.:
1.) One who hates mankind; a curmudgeon; a loner;
2.) The guy in your office who responded to your e-mail of baby photos with "D-. Passing, but not college material";
3.) A Realist

From The Misanthrope's Guide to Life

In this guide, you'll learn how to get away from the pain-in-the-asses who make you seriously consider investing in a fallout shelter and making it your new home. You'll take isolated comfort in these survival strategies, including how to:

• Conduct managed incoherence to get the delivery boy from the lobby to your door
• Take a "French leave" in order to eat alone at work
• Get ousted from your kickball league by dressing as Magnum, P.I. for every game
• Get back at the jerk yapping on his cell phone by reciting the lyrics to Harry Chapin's version of "Cat's in the Cradle"
• End a conversation by "Gwynething" (also known as playing the "I'm delightfully foreign" act) someone to death

This is the survival guide you will be annoyed not to have.